I've really been looking forward to Spring Break. I was tired, burned out and behind with research. Before the break, it looked like spring would soon be here, that there was an imminent Mayle sample sale (possibly falling during my break) and I was looking forward both to regenerating and relaxing and to finishing up some work. Who knows, I even thought Evan and I might get a chance to do something fun and out of the ordinary--go to a museum, perhaps, or have some mini adventure.
Maybe one and a half weeks are not enough to accomplish anything significant, but I sit here, midway through the break, feeling more stressed than I did the day I left campus full of hope. The health insurance mess remains unresolved. I am in a waiting game now, my fate dependent on other bureaucrats as I consider my actions should things fall apart (appealing to the Union is certainly one). I think the stress of all this casts a pall over my break and limits any possibilities to relax, while diverting energies away from the necessary concentration required to finally finish the intro to my damn book.
Meanwhile, I still haven't heard about a job I interviewed for in late March. It will be three weeks on Thursday and I am now starting to stress, if not panic. I'm preparing myself for yet more bad news.
I also can't find my credit card bill anywhere. I knew where I put it (my in-tray) and then I believe I put it in my bag so I could pay it this weekend. I've emptied my bag and it isn't there. It isn't in my in-tray either. And it's due in a week. I've not had a late payment other than a 9/11 delayed mailing, for which my credit card company waved charges and removed from my record. I can pay by phone but it costs $10 and I am not sure that my bank account is set up to accept payments any more.
In short, I feel that the minutiae are paralyzing me. Time passes and I am not getting where I need to be. Babies seem farther away than ever and work is a treadmill that's going nowhere. To remedy this, I tried to submit an article to a journal yesterday. I started revising and realized that the paper wasn't as perfect as I'd have liked. Still, after 6 hours, it is almost ready to go, with one caveat. A friend loaned me a paper, I cited it, and it has now been published. I cannot access the digital library for some reason and need the new, published page numbers (obviously different from the old ones). I can't submit it without them, so that means a trip into campus, which means another small but time-consuming chore, which obviates the original intent of getting something done quickly, feeling I accomplished something and that my break wasn't a total waste of time.
Meanwhile, I am starting to realize that I'll be back at school next week facing the same problems, under the same stresses but with no spring break to look forward to, and no real accomplishments completed.
I think this holiday is always the same. It's an illusion, just like spring itself. April 14 and the temperature is again in the 40s, not the promised 60s. And, no, my taxes aren't done either. I fear that my luck means I have to pay, and I would rather live in ignorance for another 24 hours.
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7 comments:
Oh no, you're having one of THOSE days. Hate them. Get out of the house, now! Run your errand at school, take a walk, sit at a cafe and read a bit, oh what the heck, go shopping. When I feel immobilized, I find it helps to physically or mentally move - just the motion helps me get out of ruts, think outside of my cage.
After you've come back in the house, take a breath and remind yourself that you've already accomplished a great deal during your break. You took action and finished your paper! You've decided to nail Queens about their COBRA error! CONGRATS! (During breaks, I consider going to the gym an accomplishment...)
ugh, a crap day, poor moya! all those little things piling up, and the lack of warm weather is like rubbing salt in your wounds.
i'm with cindy, get outside for a while, take a walk. it's cool but pleasant up north, maybe today isn't so bad temperature-wise for you, either?
i'm also a huge proponent of naps, preferably with a kitty curled up next to me.
what's going on with this sample sale? is it happening any time in the near future? i need to start planning my nyc trip...
Hi Erica! I saw your Easter post - you look so pretty in your Nomia dress and Leon is dapper!
Speaking of the sample sale - is it really going to happen? What if the leftover inventory is just liquidated to an outlet-type retailer? That would be so disappointing...
Moya, I agree with Cindy + Erica. You just need some you time to decompress. I feel like I have had similar days recently. I think you should get a hot stone massage. Oasis day spa does great ones and you will walk away floating on air or go see an insanely stupid movie like paul blart mall cop - those movies often clear my head and offer a bit of escape.
Re: credit card bill - you should just go to the card website- the probably have it set up so you could pay online all you would have to do is enter your checking account number etc... I would check today b/c often they will charge $10 to make a same day payment..
and don't feel bad, we havent finished our taxes either! :)
There is going to be a sample sale, jane mentioned it to me many times. I too am freaking out - as I need to buy airfare etc.. but dep breaths it will all be ok.
I'm in my last semester in law school, and I've managed to wait until this semester to compete certain requirements, including a mandatory research paper. As such, I have made this semester unnecessarily stressful.
In addition suggestions by the previous posters, you should plan a day or weekend trip. That's what I would do if I didn't have a paper and 12 hours of final exams ahead of me. For now, walks, naps and shopping are keeping me relatively calm.
i'm so sorry to hear this, moya. it definitely helps to give yourself something to look forward to, even if it's as small as a baked treat (brownies work wonders) or a walk around your neighborhood.
marti's right -- you can often set up instant web payments for credit cards. you just need your checking account number and a routing number for said account.
feel better!
Thank you so much, everybody. I do feel overwhelmed. As Cindy, Marti and Erica recommended, I took a walk and picked up groceries (including some Haagen Das ice cream bars as a treat). I got wet but it made me feel calmer. Plus I got to see a neighbor--sometimes I think the loneliness of academic work gets me down.
I was also grading student papers all day. I am going to finish them but they were horrible. I think the late spring break took its toll on a bunch of usually good students.
Marti--thanks for the suggestions. I was wondering about the sale, just like Cindy. I wonder if she'll just rent a storefront for the sale. Maybe they are delaying it until they see how the final reeditions sell?
I think I am going to set up internet pay for the credit card. I have (probably) another 5-8 days so I'll just do it tomorrow. Call it a finance day--taxes and bills. Then Thursday I will do something nice. I'm thinking the Met will be part of it, and maybe the Natural History Museum. And then, yes, maybe a massage or something that I would otherwise never do for myself.
Thank you everybody. And good luck with your last few weeks at law school, lsk_524. I hope you also get a decent break soon.
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