Cure for Insomnia/Stress

I am so pleased that I am now on Spring Break, even though the weather is cold (40 degrees as I type). I had a busy and stressful day at work yesterday, the kind where you don't even get a chance to eat. It culminated with a couple of students walking into my night class to take a test just as I was about to pack up and leave. Consequently, my supposedly early night (I'd hoped to leave at 7) became another regular late night. One student offered no excuse and had to be prompted to apologize, which only irked me more. I lament the loss of courtesy, respect and discipline, which also makes me feel ancient. I'm not that much older than these students but a lot seems to have changed in the schools. That said, many of my students are so great that they make the job worthwhile.

The stress of work, fertility procedures/health insurance issues and not conceiving has gotten to me though. Wearing an OV watch that reads NF (not fertile) is not helping--I realize that most of the time, that's how it is for all of us, but it seems to have additional resonance in my case and isn't changing fast enough for me to Fertile Day 1. I have to be patient (like Eric Cartman with his Nintendo Wii) but it's not always so easy. All this resulted in my waking up around 4 am and not getting back to sleep.

I've been wondering of late if thinking about Mayle is good (nice distraction, pretty clothes, great people) or hindering me (distracting from work and am I karmically setting myself up for a life of pretty dresses and no children?). So rather than think about Mayle to lure myself to sleep, I tried to calm myself back down. I cuddled Peeps, I tried to get comfortable. I don't have sleep problems as a general rule, but nothing worked. So I decided to think about the Mayle sample sale and what I might want, what ideally might be there. Several hours later I awoke. Not only did this successfully get me back to sleep in ways that fantasies of getting pregnant and having a healthy child didn't (too stressful as they remind me that I am nowhere near this), but they delivered a lovely dream. I realize that I only dreamed this just before I woke up, but in my dreams, I walked by 242 Elizabeth Street, saw many racks of clothing, tried the door, was allowed in and discovered the sale was about to start. I was told I could buy, and the first thing I saw were braque bags in all sizes--no, these don't exist--although in my dreams, these were cheap at $1,100 and up. Of course, as Freud and others remind us, many of the items were scrambled up and not real--displacement, condensation and all those dream tropes work for Mayle dreams too. Some pieces vanished after I had piled them up, things weren't where they belonged, I remembered affectionately items that never were, chatted to familiar faces who similarly only existed in the act of dreaming. But I also remember seeing a sign that gave the date of the sale and excitedly thinking how I would tell of all you when I got home.

As that was a dream, I obviously have no information to give. But at least it made me realize that all this Mayle hasn't been a waste of time and energy. It's fed the book, motivated me to write and calmed me down when things seemed dark. It's still early, but I'll sort the health insurance out today, pay my bills and get a little work done before Evan and I go for Doughnut Plant doughnuts. I hope they have the fabulous coconut ones, although I know I'll be tempted to get two (and Evan, as always, will try to stop me, concerned that one is indulgent, two unhealthy). I am not a doughnut fan, but these are special. And they are the only doughnuts, I believe, that were ever featured in Vogue.