Exercise

One of the big things I intend to do this summer is to maximize my unlimited yoga/pilates/zumba/dance membership. I have put on weight but because it was somewhat proportional, I didn't notice. I have to admit that I fell somewhat off the ladder when it comes to limiting sugars and bad foods, and all the good work I did seems to have slid away--or slid back. I'm currently wearing a Jeffrey Monteiro dress that was baggy in the top last summer and now feels a little tight. I think I've lost some of the weight (at least, that's what my fellow pilates/yoga/zumba classmates tell me) but I am pretty disgusted with myself.

I just got back from one of my bootcamp classes. I think my stamina is greater than it was, but I still need to lose the weight. As I was in agony while jumping and squatting, I kept thinking that the four squares of chocolate I had earlier really weren't worth this pain. Funnily enough, when I exercise, I actually want less food in the evenings--and I know I eat less in the spring/summer (this long cold spring-less spring hasn't helped me weight-wise in that respect). With my metabolism raised, hopefully I can burn off the fat that hides my muscles. I have, however, learned one thing--that pilates and yoga may make me strong but they don't cause me to lose the fat. I can't look toned with inches of flab covering me and even though I am good at disguising my weight, I really am not in the kind of shape I want. Part of me still thinks of myself as that size 2-4 skinny girl with long, thin limbs and a tiny waist who can eat anything but my body (and my reflection at the gym) shows me that that girl is only a memory.

Even though I can't necessarily get back into my early 20-something shape, I can improve my body. Ideally I'd love to have narrow thighs and hips again so I can wear skinny pants and flaunt my waist in narrow tops. Earlier this month, I saw a girl in the department wearing a loose draped grey t-shirt tucked into high waisted, very skinny dark grey pants, high heels and her hair in a ponytail. It was that simple and it looked that good. I wanted that outfit but then quickly realized that on my body, it would be worse than a joke--I'd look fat, lumpen, middle-aged and out of shape. Maybe my body will never look that way but it is a goal to have in sight--and one that makes me realize that I could also cut my clothing budget very easily if I could look that good in pants and a t-shirt.