If last week was one of many posts and too much fun shopping, this week was one of brutal reality. I worked on the problem chapter from the book--one on film censorship that I was not sure I wanted to keep, got it in shape, read through (most) of the book and cut about 50 pages so far and realized it was pretty good. The book is on 1910s cinema and Progressivism, looking at how its ideology structured texts/contexts, so it is pretty dry. No fashion, I'm afraid, although I have written about early cinema and fashion elsewhere, as well as male fashion, film and sexuality.
Then there was yesterday. My not so great IVF clinic visit where I was basically told I may have left it too late. But there is a chance and I am determined to buck the odds. I had no idea fertility really did fall after 35--I assumed it was ideology, not biology. But I can't go back in a time machine and get pregnant at 34. Believe me, I would if that was possible! So I am hoping that I can buck the odds. It's horrible but I think I am at a global leading clinic so maybe they can do what others cannot. I have to think positively about this.
So, tomorrow I am going to the Lyell sale. Their email stated there would be more stock than usual because of returns, given the economic situation. It's cash only so I am only taking $200-$250. Given the costs I face to get pregnant, one last hurrah seems to be in order. I have to keep telling myself I can be one of those who bucks the odds--I am in good shape, keep healthy and that has to count for something.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
It's great news that you have a chance to conceive! Best of luck with the treatments and stay optimistic despite the challenges. In the end, a blessing will come and you and your husband will be closer. Take it one day at a time. I'm sure it's not easy to talk about this but know you have all of our support here. Enjoy yourself this saturday-you deserve it.
I think Christina is right. This means that there is a chance, rather than that there isn't. You have been resilient with your book, so you will, with this process. Globally leading clinic must mean something, no? No use looking back now, as it's here now and you are trying your best, which is most you can do. I'll be routing for you.
apparently fertility begins declining at around 27, and for some people, their difficulties begin much earlier than that. my sister-in-law is 22 and has been struggling for 2 years since an ectopic.
as far as i can tell, it's a total crapshoot.
this is just my way of saying: there are odds, and then there are individuals. knowing the odds of a plane crash isn't very reassuring when it happens to you. or the episiotomy rate at your hospital...
having my own issues with obsessive thinking, i know that the most important thing is to maintain a little distance from statistics. at the same time, i really do believe that positive thinking will keep your body healthy and receptive to whatever treatments you try.
be sure to take good care of yourself during this time, moya. visualization and relaxation can only help.
Thank you for the kind and thoughtful comments, Christina, Kim and Erica. Your support means so much. I am trying to stay calm but my obsessive tendencies have come to the fore quite a bit this weekend! While IVF is largely covered (insurance pays 75% and has a three cycle max), my meds may not be, and those are around $6,000 a cycle. I can do it, but its tough to have to deal with the financial realities as well as the physical and emotional stress.
Hopefully, I can get my mind off this with the start of teaching tomorrow. I have contingency plans but in the meantime, avoiding internet infertility columns is priority number 1!
oh yes, by all means, avoid those fertility chat boards! if anyone says, 'i'm shaking a little baby dust your way,' feel free to give them a black eye for me ;)
best to stay busy as much as possible. with teaching, i don't think you'll have any trouble.
Thanks for the good advice (again) Erica. I got myself into a real state after Thursday's appointment. Right now, I'm just swamped with school and witnessing the effects of budget cuts (over-enrolled classes, students begging to get into full classes because their courses were canceled). I have to concentrate on work--writing actually calms me down, although I sometimes forget that and spend ages reading these terribly sad infertility boards. It doesn't help my mood either.
Besides, I only need one good egg to have a child--and the right timing.
Good luck to you, Moya! I think you are keeping the right attitude, and I am optimistic for you. It does only take one very special egg!
Hang in there. It can be tough to face the realities of work in general, and even more so when you are experiencing emotional turmoil on the homefront as well. It is a good idea to stay occupied with other things to the extent you can, and definitely stay away from the baby dust shakers!
Post a Comment