So I have spent too much this month. That I know--there's a credit card bill I have to open and I know I charged about $1,000 (I pay them off in full, but that is a large chunk of change). I just got two shirts from Steven Alan's outlet--a hair under $200 for the two. Then there's the packages from the Gap, the baby clothes for Charlie, cardigans for me, and Giles' Christmas present. I also got that Mayle dress from Ebay. And I am supposed to be saving for fertility treatments, accupuncture, even IVF. I want a baby more than all my clothes. Yet I've been shopping like crazy because I still love clothes and because I want to fill this hole where a baby should be.
Even then, I am tempted by this Heimstone dress. It's in an LA boutique, it's in navy blue and it is beautiful. It's on sale, but it is still over $200 which is a lot for a dress I've never seen at a time when I am supposed to be economizing and when I want to get some of the last Mayle pieces.
What to do? Maybe disable the internet or at least stop surfing clothing sites while I watch TV.
I have a horrid cold now but at least most of my grading is finished.
Amanda Burton’s Chicken Zorba
4 days ago
6 comments:
which heimstone dress is it? i'm glad that the Lina fit, sweater dresses are always such a good idea on the east coast.
ohh, babies. matthew and i were lucky the first time out, but enough of my friends and family have struggled (including a 23 yr old sister in law who had an ectopic pregnancy 2 years ago and is still trying) that i assumed it would take us at least a year to get things right.
you never stop loving clothes, but it's amazing how priorities start shifting. i've started avoiding delicate fabrics like silk and cashmere, and most skirts and pants on my wishlist have been placed on the backburner. it's all about loose, comfy dresses, cardigans, and anything else that layers easily.
plus, it's sooo hard to resist beautiful tiny baby clothes, especially makie's fleece pixie pants! considering how quickly they grow, i should be shopping at goodwill. sigh...
It's the Murena dress. It's on bird LA, which is unrelated to my local Bird. I love it but now I see the new Mayle I just hope it stays there until there is no more Mayle left.
I wonder if it is the dress or her model that I love so much--and the shoes. I love what I see but I can't find Heimstone in NYC and I read one blog where the writer expressed disappointment. I also figure there will be Heimstone to spare when Mayle is long departed.
The baby thing is tough--I've had friends get pregnant first time and others like me have struggled. I have had some bad days in there, but I am trying to distract myself with things like work and the Mayle dresses in the hopes it will make it happen faster. My sister in law had a baby last month--a girl--and I am both thrilled and a little envious!
i haven't tried on any heimstone, but it always looks so nice in the photographs. i like the murena, but i tend to shy away from skinny shoulder straps. it's such a tough call, ordering something sight unseen and likely non-returnable.
i never thought i'd be the kind of person who would become hungry for a baby, and in fact spent the first three months slightly resentful of this little being who was making me so sick and exhausted (it's been rough throughout), but now i understand that overwhelming desire.
MA residents are lucky in that state law requires insurers to cover IVF among other expensive infertility treatments, which I think is better than NY's laws. sigh. i will keep my fingers crossed that things work out for you and evan.
it sounds like you might be moving, though, depending on how job applications turn out? crossing my fingers for that, too.
Thank you! I am trying to stay here (I love it and Evan teaches in Long Island), but as it turned out, there really are only jobs in NYC, NJ and Boston this year, so I could do a commute or end up staying here. I am trying not to think of the job market or the baby stress, but last month was tough as I had to deal with both head on.
Insurers here aren't required to cover IVF, and I have to wait until next month to cover my insurance policy. I think I can get one that covers 75% of IVF as of now, but who knows what the next year's plan will cover. I am also wary of doing it because of the side-effects and the possibility it won't work--add the usual emotion on that front to hormones and I am sure it won't be fun. I keep hoping I won't need to but as every month passes, it seems more realistic. Part of me feels like if I do get pregnant the natural way that I should spend some of the IVF money on Mayle but that would be silly!
In an ideal world, I'll get pregnant soon at get to keep the job I'm doing now at CUNY. And the book will get done soon--although that is going to happen regardless, although I am so tired right now because all I do is work and window shop online.
hormones, oh yes, i've heard about what an emotional ride IVF can be. having had a taste of extreme mood swings due to pregnancy, i can see how the hope/disappointment factor in trying to get to this point could be quite intense.
i'm generally pretty laid back about the pregnancy, but we've had a few false alarm scares that nearly broke my heart with worry and total, unreasonable fear. it can be so unsettling to know that you have so little control over the process.
i hope you don't have to go as far as IVF, either. i've 'met' quite a few women online who have had success with Clomid, others with acupuncture, so it sounds like it's just a matter of staying positive and realistic about your options.
i wish you the best of luck. and i really do mean 'luck.' i feel there is no rhyme or reason to this crazy process of starting a family. i hope it happens for you sooner rather than later.
Thank you for such a wise and sympathetic post, Erica. I think it is all luck, and timing, and I've sometimes got the latter right but not had the former. I'm hoping it will work out and trying to stop obsessing over every temperature and every symptom.
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