Backsliding

I'm trying to be good. Work hard, limit my spending, focus my efforts on the books and not waste time. I'm also trying to eat better. I'm generally pretty good but the spate of fall events--from the Jewish holidays (Evan's mother is such a great baker), a few birthdays, a wedding and Halloween--have all taken their toll. Yesterday I looked at my abdomen and I was appalled. Flab is returning and Christmas is around the corner. I wore some old clothes as part of my Halloween outfit (Dina Lohan) and the silk Jill Stuart top I wore was tight--I remember never wearing it, in part because it was too dressy, in part because it quickly dated (it was part of that 1930s retro from the mid-2000s) and also because it was so big. I bought it on sale and the L was the only remaining size--the S and M both would have worked far better. No longer--if anything it is on the tight side, as in near sausage casing. I'm disgusted with myself but also frustrated. I work out, I try to eat well and I'm even trying to reduce my wheat consumption (hence a spelt scone from Whole Foods the other day that was overly sweet) but I don't feel full unless I eat some carbs. Unless I eat a ridiculously restrictive diet and work out constantly, my body doesn't want to give up this new layer of flab. And I find it tough to concentrate when I'm hungry. But that doesn't mean I splurge on brownies, bagels or fries. I eat apples, hard boiled eggs with a single slice of multigrain sour dough bread (all organic) or a few nuts.

I don't know what's going on. I fear some of it is age--past 25, 30 your body changes. As the nights start to draw in, I think I'm going to have to take some more drastic measures and try some kind of modified Atkins diet (no bacon, meat, fatty foods, but certainly restrict my carbs and fill up on vegetables and select fruits).