When you have a small child, time doesn't quite fly so quickly. 2014 felt like a proper year, one that didn't entirely slip away, partly because it was framed around my little boy's growth. A year ago, he was a breast-feeding baby who could scoot around or toddle behind his walker but not stand unaided. Now he's a rambunctious two year old whose favourite word is "No!," articulated in a number of passionate, determined and opinionated tones, a boy who loves to run and climb and has even begun to sing to himself. He's accomplished way more this year than I have--he's learned to understand a language, to joke, to recognise images of animals and various objects and even to count to one (it's a start). I've written a book proposal and sample chapter (which still needs further revision), along with a few papers and chapter proposals (tentatively all accepted but nothing published yet so it doesn't count), written/presented four papers at professional conferences and undertaken some service to the field. All pales in comparison to his achievements but work is hard won when a toddler decides that you've done enough on that screen that could also play Peppa Pig, Raa Raa, Sarah and Duck or Postman Pat and flips your laptop shut. Alternatively, he crawls between you and your laptop, pulls you to the floor, sits on you, throws a tantrum or misbehaves because he wants all of your attention and nobody else will do--and this is when you have another caregiver in place. We are in the midst of his infatuation with mummy, his refusal to be separated from me or have me out of his sight. Being loved this much is temporary and as much as I love it (and him), I realise it is a temporary developmental phase but it can still be frustrating for both of us as the world isn't structured around a toddler's whims and iron will.
I can't even speculate what this year will bring. While his growth will certainly slow and his developmental changes will be more subtle, I'm sure I'll have a little chatterbox by my side in a year who will be more clearly a little boy than a beautifully androgynous toddler. As he changes, it makes me realise how much a year can bring, and I just hope all changes this year are for the better.
I have a few resolutions of sorts, general changes I've been trying to implement for a while. I want to keep cutting the carbs and increasing my intake of protein and vegetables. I'd also like to get more exercise--not only do I want to lose the last of the baby weight but also improve my blood sugars and overall health. I want to spend more time off-line, writing, reading, walking, playing and manage my time better. I think this will help with the next resolution, to consume less, more thoughtfully and more ethically whether that applies to food, clothing, technology or home. I want to be tidier, more organised, a better time manager and a more attentive mother/partner/friend/relative and productive worker/writer. I have a few more specific resolutions but if I can make some of these changes, they may also follow. I know I will struggle and fail in some areas (I've already slipped a few times in the last 40 hours or so), but I hope I'll be able to look back at a happy and successful 2015 and wish the same to all of you.
Laurel & Hardy in "The Devil's Brother" (1933)
7 hours ago