Snow!

So much for the spring in spring break! This morning it snowed in NYC, albeit briefly. We're preparing to head off to LI for Passover and I'm having to redecide which dresses to bring--it doesn't seem like Mirabelle and Jemeen are the ideal outfits for this weather.

Still down about healthcare. I think I'll try calling them tomorrow to see if the applications I fedexed made it to the right people. What a way to start Spring Break.

No Doughnuts, No Health Insurance

Suffice to say, today was not a good day. I'm currently moving between positions (a long story--Queens to NYU) and had to COBRA my health insurance. My current employer, Queens College, did not terminate my insurance properly and ran the 60 day COBRA clock out for me, terminating my insurance on March 27 after my begging them to do this but putting a termination date of 2/1 in place and then telling me I had 60 days AFTER March 27 to continue coverage. I discovered this today. I don't know if my insurance can be continued despite my efforts and this was the plan that covered IVF. I am not very happy, especially after being given consistently wrong information. As I tend to be anxious and cautious over these matters, I've called Queens College HR numerous times and also GHI (my health insurers). They changed the date to 2/12 today so I express mailed in my applications ($35), but in all likelihood I will have no prescription drug benefit which means IVF drugs will set me back a cool $3,00-7,000 a month. I also have piles of medical bills that I will have to pay if my COBRA is denied.

I then went to the doughnut plant at 5. They were out of most doughnuts, I burst into tears and the lovely guy there gave me a chai (which was really good) and a small creme brule doughnut that was left. His kindness was unbelievable but I feel raw and like a baby for losing it in that way in a place that was not appropriate. As he told me, neither he nor his wife have any insurance coverage but he was happy for all he had in life. I felt very spoiled in some ways, but more angry that we let this happen in the world's richest nation. Evan took me out for sushi and got me a signature hot chocolate in Starbucks. I figured why not eat sushi as I am not pregnant. I hope this insurance issue doesn't mean I can't have a baby. My NYU insurance kicks in in September but I don't want to wait that long and have to get all these tests again. After 35, every month matters.

I am sorry that this is not the best written post but I am not in the clearest frame of mind right now.

Cure for Insomnia/Stress

I am so pleased that I am now on Spring Break, even though the weather is cold (40 degrees as I type). I had a busy and stressful day at work yesterday, the kind where you don't even get a chance to eat. It culminated with a couple of students walking into my night class to take a test just as I was about to pack up and leave. Consequently, my supposedly early night (I'd hoped to leave at 7) became another regular late night. One student offered no excuse and had to be prompted to apologize, which only irked me more. I lament the loss of courtesy, respect and discipline, which also makes me feel ancient. I'm not that much older than these students but a lot seems to have changed in the schools. That said, many of my students are so great that they make the job worthwhile.

The stress of work, fertility procedures/health insurance issues and not conceiving has gotten to me though. Wearing an OV watch that reads NF (not fertile) is not helping--I realize that most of the time, that's how it is for all of us, but it seems to have additional resonance in my case and isn't changing fast enough for me to Fertile Day 1. I have to be patient (like Eric Cartman with his Nintendo Wii) but it's not always so easy. All this resulted in my waking up around 4 am and not getting back to sleep.

I've been wondering of late if thinking about Mayle is good (nice distraction, pretty clothes, great people) or hindering me (distracting from work and am I karmically setting myself up for a life of pretty dresses and no children?). So rather than think about Mayle to lure myself to sleep, I tried to calm myself back down. I cuddled Peeps, I tried to get comfortable. I don't have sleep problems as a general rule, but nothing worked. So I decided to think about the Mayle sample sale and what I might want, what ideally might be there. Several hours later I awoke. Not only did this successfully get me back to sleep in ways that fantasies of getting pregnant and having a healthy child didn't (too stressful as they remind me that I am nowhere near this), but they delivered a lovely dream. I realize that I only dreamed this just before I woke up, but in my dreams, I walked by 242 Elizabeth Street, saw many racks of clothing, tried the door, was allowed in and discovered the sale was about to start. I was told I could buy, and the first thing I saw were braque bags in all sizes--no, these don't exist--although in my dreams, these were cheap at $1,100 and up. Of course, as Freud and others remind us, many of the items were scrambled up and not real--displacement, condensation and all those dream tropes work for Mayle dreams too. Some pieces vanished after I had piled them up, things weren't where they belonged, I remembered affectionately items that never were, chatted to familiar faces who similarly only existed in the act of dreaming. But I also remember seeing a sign that gave the date of the sale and excitedly thinking how I would tell of all you when I got home.

As that was a dream, I obviously have no information to give. But at least it made me realize that all this Mayle hasn't been a waste of time and energy. It's fed the book, motivated me to write and calmed me down when things seemed dark. It's still early, but I'll sort the health insurance out today, pay my bills and get a little work done before Evan and I go for Doughnut Plant doughnuts. I hope they have the fabulous coconut ones, although I know I'll be tempted to get two (and Evan, as always, will try to stop me, concerned that one is indulgent, two unhealthy). I am not a doughnut fan, but these are special. And they are the only doughnuts, I believe, that were ever featured in Vogue.

Mayle for Sale, Part VI

More stuff will be coming up this week. All the previous styles listed are now sold. I hope at least some ebay fees were avoided this way.

I'm about to start spring break tomorrow and that will give me time to post updates as well as (hopefully) finish the book and do my taxes. I hope to accomplish a lot this break and not waste it merely recuperating from the last 9-10 weeks of class--and winter. I also get to go to Evan's wonderful mother and step-father's house for Passover and eat her fabulous cooking. Last year it was warm and I wore cotton Mayle dresses. If things stay the same, this year I'll be debuting my Belda trench.

In the hopes of warm weather, Kim offers a very rare Mayle top for sale. Her description follows. Those of you who saw the re-editions will recognize the wonderful cotton Dalmatia fabric. Again, this is another beauty not in my size.

This top has now sold. Thank you guys! More Mayle for sale very soon.

Mayle for Sale reminder/More packages arrived

I updated the Mayle for sale posts. Just two items remain--Christina's lovely Aurelie, which I believe sold out at Mayle some time back and Marti's amazing sweater (the one I would have bought had I been able to fit myself into it). If these are still here tomorrow, I'll repost details.

Thank you everybody for your kind comments on my sad day. I got myself an OV watch this week and they are supposed to be miraculous at pinpointing ovulation (better than charting, OV kits, etc.) so I am praying this will work.

In the meantime, I got my packages yesterday with Monica and Jemeen, plus a lovely Inhabit cashmere sweater. Alas, Inhabit (again) oversold their stock, notified me only after they realized this, and I missed out on the sweater I really coveted while they sat on my cash for nearly 3 weeks... Not happy at all about that.

But on a positive note, Jemeen is lovely. The 6 fits perfectly and I will post pictures. I got the black and white--the ivory was way too yellow for my pink skin tones. It has nicer details than I remember, although it is one of Mayle's simpler cuts. Monica fits well but needs a slip--the fabric is very thin and somewhat see-through. I remember Jane made one for this dress (in fact, I remember that they were sold together, but that could be memory failing me), but now I am stuck thinking do I go for white, ivory, or what. Should I go vintage or new? As a small A-cup, I have problems with spaghetti strap items as they are cut for a B (like all dresses/tops) and the straps consequently fall down over one shoulder. Any slip tips recommended. I need a white or flesh slip for my white Lyell Julie Christie dress anyway. I want to get one with some apppropriate decor at the top given that Monica is so low cut--clearly NOT intended to be worn the way PH wore it, but that we knew anyway.

Mayle's Final Hours, Part I

Here are, as promised, photos of Mayle's last hours. I'll include more in subsequent posts as there are too many for one page. These were taken between about 6p.m.-7.15 p.m. on Tuesday, March 31. I'll include photos of the final Votivo Red Current candle, the merchandise, the changing room on the left and pictures of all of us in the store, including Elise, Christina and Sumer. I took some photos of myself in the mirror, not for narcissism's sake but to remember the hours spent checking out new arrivals, future purchases, and sometimes errant styles. I hope that this gives you a flavor of how the store's last minutes felt. If asked, I'd say surprisingly normal and surprisingly quiet. It was hard to believe that these minutes were being committed to memory. As the photos show, we were all light-hearted. Elise, Christina, Sumer, Cindy, Chelsea, Monica, myself and others toasted Jane Mayle and ate cupcakes while discussing past favorites, items we loved, those we missed and pieces we hoped would still be recut.

Monica wore Ignacia and Cindy wore the Michaela recut in Rio Plata and both looked beautiful. Cindy wore a fabulous combination of a Rio Plata top and Gaia pants with some killer heels. Cindy and one other girl (whose name I forgot, sorry) had fabulous LD Tuttle heels--it turned out the designer went to school with Christina too.

As we reluctantly left for the final time--Monica, Cindy and I were the last customers to leave--it seemed impossible that anything could change. But the end is here: Christina and Elise were going to paper over the windows after we left, and the store would start to be dismantled. Those walls we know so well will soon be gone, the pictures removed, the counter and chairs moved out and the candle finally snuffed out.

I can't really believe it. I don't think I can walk down that block on Elizabeth Street again before the sample sale. After that, I will be giving 242 Elizabeth Street a wide berth, keeping the time capsule that Mayle has become pristine, hoping that in some alternative universe, everything is still ticking over as normal, new items are coming in, each collection better than the last, delivering delicious items that capture my imagination, fancy and bank account.

Thank you, Jane Mayle, Elise, Christina, Doris, Vanessa, Alize, Summer and all of you for such a wonderful 8 years (I know it was longer, but for me, it was just that). If I could have a few wishes, I'd have a healthy baby of my own first, but Mayle's return--in the same space, with the same aura--would be near the top.

Sadness

It's April Fool's day and I wonder if fate is playing tricks with me. I am not pregnant (again), the year is now 1/4 through and Mayle has shut its doors forever. The thrills and distractions Mayle gave me will always be there in some way, but today it is all over, bar the sample sale. To find out this morning that I am not pregnant was perhaps a twist of the knife I didn't need. I keep hoping I can do this without IVF, even as I am in the system waiting to going ahead, but this morning I was close to giving up. I had a very high possible pregnancy score from Fertility Friend this month but the truth of it is that signs can be deceptive. Indeed, that is something I tell my students, three of whom just popped in and cheered me up with their smiles and chat.

I'm just hoping this next month is my month, just as I have for the last 18-19 months now. It has to happen soon--as I have to rethink my coping tactics of thinking of all that Mayle I can buy and wear while still thin(-ish).

Also, tomorrow I will post lots of Mayle last day photos and a complete recap--or maybe later tonight. Today is a big teaching day and I don't have my camera cord with me in school.